Two months in and one to go. So what have I learned/achieved? I used to think that I said stupid things when I drank, said too much, gave too much of myself away. I also put the mischievious childish thoughts solely at the feet of the booze.
But I am slowly realising that this is not the case at all. I hear myself saying the same silly nonsense, and being just as soppy or naughty as I would be when intoxicated. The only difference is the cringe delay factor.
When I drink, I often wake up, spamming my head like Greg Mitchell, the "gorgeous sandy-coloured labrador". Mouthing 'Oh no, what have I done?'. That's delayed cringe that is. When I'm sober I do the exact same thing in my head, but it's immediate. I don't get to enjoy the grace period of pre-hangover, to fill with pride at how funny/daring I am! My out of body me looks down and sighs.
So...it's dull, I miss the taste and I'm just as much of a knob sober as I can be tipsy. But...I am healing. I am happier than I have been for a very long time. I'm a long way down the road to recovery and back to the girl I was before the rascal ex crushed my soul.
Now he's just somebody that I used to know.